When anger starts to boil within us, our hearts start racing, and we may clench our jaws, and impulsively say things that we later regret. When we are passionate about a subject, career, or relationship, it sometimes can cloud our judgment. When we are afraid, we avoid situations or opportunities that can add meaning to our life. There are several emotions that science determines that humans experience, but what if we can take control of those emotions before they start taking control of our life? 

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is more than just managing your emotions; it involves understanding and managing the emotions of others (PsychologyToday). To understand emotional intelligence, we first need to understand our emotions. When we can understand our feelings and the feelings of others, we can tune in to the emotion itself and use it positively. We do not have control over all external things, but we can control how we respond to them. To succeed in a career, sport, or skill, emotional intelligence gives us an advantage and can help us develop into stronger leaders. Leadership can come in many forms and individuals can contain different leadership qualities; there are leaders within sports teams, the workplace, and relationships. EQ helps strengthen leadership characteristics and allows us to manage our behaviors when needed; developing EQ allows for more success and can increase our happiness. When we apply EQ to these areas of our life, we can create a lifestyle revolving around stress management, positive communication, and achieving excellence; it is being able to show up as our best selves in times of stress and challenge. 

Daniel Goleman is a psychologist, author, and public speaker who emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence. Daniel Goleman's Theory presented the idea that EQ provides a sign of an individual’s “potential” for developing emotional competencies (i.e., practical skills) that can help them thrive at work (PositivePsychology). He then divided it into five different domains 

1. Knowing your emotions (Self-Awareness)

2. Managing emotions (Self-Regulation)

3. Motivating oneself (Motivation)

4. Recognizing emotions in others (Empathy)

5. Handling relationships (Social-Abilities)

These five classifications for a high EQ individual may seem self-explanatory, but not every person has developed these characteristics. If someone is underdeveloped in these domains, they can have adverse effects and express them in less valuable ways. 

Within the first domain, knowing your emotions comes down to understanding what you need and want. Sometimes we can confuse our emotions for something way deeper. For example, someone might feel extremely angry about a situation, but deep down, they might be dealing with jealousy. Additionally, if someone feels sad, deep down, they might be dealing with embarrassment. When we struggle to know our emotions, it can be confusing and we can act in ways that aren’t valuable.

In the second domain, managing emotions comes down to being able to self-regulate and respond better during challenging situations. Self-regulation is having the ability to gain control over one's own emotions and manage stress in healthy ways. When we struggle to manage our emotions, it can develop into potential mental illness or mental challenges. For example, someone can experience increased anxiety, depression, and mood swings due to the inability to manage their stressors. 

In the third domain, motivation plays a huge role in various parts of our life. Motivation is the overall general desire someone has for a task or behavior. Individuals who deal with amotivation– a lack of motivation for a specific task– struggle to enjoy and contain enthusiasm for reaching their goals. Individuals who struggle with motivating themselves are overwhelmed, have low output levels, and lack the desire to grow in specific domains. 

In the fourth domain, the ability to recognize emotions in others develops strong leaders and relationships. Recognizing emotions in others allows individuals to manage, communicate, and foster deeper and stronger connections. If individuals struggle with this concept they can develop personal identity issues, have difficulty managing their emotions and develop unhealthy relationships. 

Finally, in the fifth domain, handling relationships is another category of high emotional intelligence. We have various types of relationships throughout our life, professional and casual, and it’s vital to understand how to handle conflict, communicate, and develop connections. When individuals struggle to do this, they can do things that are negative towards individuals and push them away. 

As humans, we are constantly adapting and changing throughout our life. Some of us may contain certain skill sets that others may lack; there is always room for developing these abilities. Something that can help strengthen these domains is going to therapy. Therapy can help individuals recognize their emotions and gain control over how they respond to them. Instead of being unaware of how our emotions impact us daily, we can gain insight and use them productively. The next time anger starts to boil within you and your heart starts to race, you’ll be able to take control of these emotions and direct them in a beneficial direction.