The Athlete Dilemma: Who Are We Without Our Sport?
Picture this:
You’re a senior, and today is your last game of your final season. You’ve given this season your all, and your senior class has set the tone for the classes below you. This is the year it finally seems like things are firing on all cylinders. You can’t wait to get out onto the field and compete, but you’re also over-aroused, and your emotions are creeping in. It starts to hit you that this is your last game with some of your best friends. Your mind starts racing- “I’m not ready for it to end; what will I do once it’s all over?” “Being an athlete is my identity- Who am I without sports?” And just like that, the game is over, and you’ve finished out your career.
I wish that’s what happened when I retired from college lacrosse. Unfortunately, like so many other student-athletes this year, my season was cut short due to the pandemic. Accepting the fact that I would not play competitive lacrosse again was one of the hardest things I’ve had to overcome. What made it so difficult for me was that it wasn’t on my own terms. We hadn’t gotten knocked out of a tournament after losing to a better team. We had our first game canceled, which was only a couple of days away. Like so many others, I was heartbroken. I won’t lie; it took me a long time to fully come to terms with my career coming to an end. I knew it wouldn’t last forever, but I never thought it would end by being taken from me. In my mind, all the hours of hard work I put in during the off-season were going unused. Not like I wasted my time, but in the sense that I had no way of being rewarded or realizing my goals. Above all else, I was gutted not to get to play with the same group of guys again.
Personally, I was lucky enough to compete in high school and college athletics. I lived and breathed for competition. It was an escape at first, but then it turned into a passion. Competing in sport can teach us so many valuable things besides teamwork. It can teach us grit and how to persevere. How good it feels when you work your butt off at something and reap the rewards. It begins to consume you to a certain degree. After competing for so long and consistently, you start to identify with the components of sport. Your identity is not just someone who likes to play because it’s something to do. You play because you love the feeling of competition and achieving a goal. You are an athlete. For many, this last part is extremely difficult to navigate away from. The reality is that you will not always be a competing athlete. It will have to come to an end eventually, and it’s a hard pill to swallow. Like so many others, despite having an idea of what I wanted to do after competition, I didn’t really know who I was outside of sport.
During my time playing high school lacrosse, I realized I wanted to coach. I enjoy seeing others develop into more successful versions of themselves and love lacrosse- so what better excuse to stay connected to the sport I love than to coach? I think the idea of giving back is something that is central to all sports. That said, it is extremely central in lacrosse. Growing the game as we call it means so much to the small but close-knit lacrosse community. I realized that I would be able to help other student-athletes navigate their time playing and going to school in more ways than just coaching. When I took Sport & Exercise Psychology as an undergrad, my mind was blown because the class showed I could achieve all of my aspirations while staying connected to athletics. That “aha moment” led me to so many amazing opportunities while exposing me to lots of different leadership styles and role models through real-world experience. This gave me more comfort, knowing that I’d have the opportunity to gain similar levels of achievement once my competing days were over.
For the most part, my identity revolved around how I performed during competition and how I thought about myself as a lacrosse player. In the weeks after our season was cut short, I struggled with getting into my new routine of not going to practice every day and seeing my best friends. It had been a constant and something that I looked forward to each day. Nothing I did was feeling the same way as to how I’d feel after making a good play or watching a teammate score. If you’ve read my previous blog about injury, you’ll remember that I made model airplanes to feel satisfaction when I was sidelined. I wasn’t able to complete a model. I kept feeling like nothing I did was good enough, almost like I needed to push myself to get that satisfaction of achievement back. It took me three weeks and five days to get back on track. I know this because I decided I needed to get all my thoughts out, so I “wrote a letter” to lacrosse in a similar manner Kobe Bryant did to basketball when he retired—getting all my thoughts out on writing did wonders. The letter is five pages long, and I have it framed in my bedroom to remind me that I accomplished great things and that my future is bright.
There are two ways athletes get to transition from sport. The first way is when they choose to leave competition freely. The second is because of reasons which are out of their control. When athletes are forced to stop competition due to injury or otherwise, they might have a harder time transitioning away from sport than individuals who leave on their own terms. It doesn’t matter if the retirement from competition was planned or not; an athlete’s identity plays a crucial role. Research suggests that competitors with high levels of athletic identity show more difficulty in their transition away from sport. Some athletes, particularly players who were forced to cease competition due to reasons outside of their control, often face the five stages of grief and loss. These stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each athlete goes through the emotions in a unique way, sometimes not even experiencing all five stages.
Everyone is different, and so is each situation in regard to transitioning out of competition. That said, it’s important to recognize those emotions when we are trying to comprehend what is going on while getting through that transition. While the athletic community has been making improvements in relation to mental health, we need to do a better job of talking about these emotions when we talk about retiring from competition. Understand that it’s okay to experience those emotions. It will make your life a little easier while navigating those uncharted waters. One of the most helpful things we can utilize is a support system.
Here are some examples to help facilitate a support system:
♦ Strong relationships with family and friends to discuss your future goals
♦ Making meaningful relationships away from sport
♦ Scheduling counseling sessions to discuss your emotions in a space you feel comfortable
♦ Reach out to clubs or groups on or off-campus, around the community.
Some strategies to cope with the transition might look like:
♦ Experiencing your emotions in real-time, without suppressing them. Allow yourself to experience them at your own pace- you can and will get through it.
♦ Do your best to realize that you are more than just an athlete; your sport doesn’t define you as a human being.
♦ Try setting new goals- related to academics or outside of school.
As usual, reach out to others when you’re having a hard time. There are resources that are available to you which will help you through your transition, regardless if you’re prepared to retire or not. You’re not alone in this process. It might be new and, let’s be honest- sort of scary to think about, but others have done it before, and you can too. It will be a great test, one which gives us the opportunity to learn about ourselves.
My time in sport was amazing, and I wouldn’t want to change anything that happened during my athletic career. As a recent college graduate, I am still navigating around what works and what doesn’t work for me in the real world. You might be retiring this year, whether you know it or not. Regardless, take advantage of every opportunity to compete, and know that there will come a time when you will need to start transitioning away from competition. It will be challenging and certainly humble you, but we need that- it’s how we grow into ourselves. When we are thrown into the thick of things, we get to learn who we really are. It’s pretty cool to think about when you really get down to it.
References:
Esopenko, Carrie PhD1; Coury, Josephine R. MD2; Pieroth, Elizabeth M. PsyD3; Noble, James M. MD4; Trofa, David P. MD2; Bottiglieri, Thomas S. DO2 The Psychological Burden of Retirement from Sport, Current Sports Medicine Reports: October 2020 - Volume 19 - Issue 10 - p 430-437 doi: 10.1249/JSR.0000000000000761